My male friends were quite amused by the assumption that black men are into big women — especially those with heavy thighs and hips. They said that while men were very visual and would look twice at a woman with a perfect bust and well-formulated butt, usually after getting to know a girl they would settle for someone they find easy to talk to and someone they considered fun. But they also said they preferred their woman to remain the same size as when they married her!
I realised that the perception of men preferring big size women is mostly advanced by fellow women. We assume men want certain things. We never have the courtesy to ask them what they really want.
Women have bleached themselves dead because they assumed men want to marry light-skinned women. Over a year ago some women started popping pills that promised them an overwhelming butt and others ended up with mismatched backsides.
How much torture are you prepared to put yourself through on the assumption that it will give you an added advantage in getting a man to marry you? Why do we want to be strong one minute and so insecure the next?
A local radio station recently had a phone-in-programme where an amazing number of MAD women called to say they were taking weight gain pills because they wanted to get married. Most of the callers were between 25 and 35 years old!
Seriously girls! Where have you heard of men putting their health at risk just so they can snag a girl? Even the most unattractive and fattest man will find a woman to marry. Men have higher self-esteems, which is why we have stories of messengers courting and marrying professional women.
We, on the other hand, are always unhappy with everything God gave us. We want more butts and bigger busts only because we assume that is what our men want. Yes, a man will lust after a certain body part but he is not going to marry the rest of your body just to get to your butt or bust. Let us be real!
Here’s the thing; busts have a way of following the laws of gravity after breast feeding a sprog or two and heavy butts also sag unless you keep them in shape.
What really defines a woman?
A woman is more than busts and butts. We accuse men of objectifying us but we do worse. We are the merchants of self-objectifying. If men only wanted heavy-looking women, how then do you explain all those small and medium-sized women already married or in relationships?
We should stop looking for silly excuses to deal with our own insecurities. Naturally big women are attractive if they know how to carry and dress themselves. You should feel comfortable in the shape and size God made you. Dress according to your size.
Yes, men get attracted by how we look but they also get put off by the way we dress sometimes. There is nothing as ridiculous as a big woman squeezed into tights and matched with a skimpy top.
I have said it before and I will say it again. I have a friend who is built big. Ropafadzo Mapimhidze is big-boned but she knows how to dress. She wears her make-up perfectly. She is attractive and I can see men look five or more times at her and get kicked by their women for it! She is a woman comfortable in her own skin.
All these women popping pills to gain weight argue that when you are skinny men will think you are terminally ill. There are big people who are on the verge of dying.
You should worry about your health. Get your cholesterol level checked. Get checked for the various cancers and stop putting your health at risk. If a man loves you, he will not be put off by the fact that you have a small bust or that you are built small. If you do not love your own body nobody else will.
When you are in love it shows — you glow — and you will draw more people closer to you. Men can smell desperation from a very long distance, which explains why all the women desperate to get married find themselves in the wilderness.
Get a grip and stop messing your lives. No man is worth dying for. Love yourself enough to have the guts to draw a line somewhere. Men will never use skin-lightening creams for us and they will never pop pills for us unless of course the pills are Viagra!
By Grace Mutandwa