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Couples must keep the fire burning

Last week I accepted a challenge to go out on a date. All I am willing to own up to is that, yes, there are still a few gentlemen out there and that romance is indeed alive and well.

Inside Track with Grace Mutandwa

I hope you are satisfied with that short and sweet report back session!

Following my write-up on Robert Gumbura of the RMG Independent End Time Message Church, my inbox is overflowing with emails. I normally try and respond to each email but this time around all I can say is guys, thank you very much for taking the time to write. Some readers wanted to know if I could email them pornographic clips from the Gumbura harem. The short answer is NO. And to those who have offered to email me the Gumbura graphics again, thank you very much, but NO thanks.

I have also been asked how I can describe myself as a feminist if I am heterosexual! Wow! There is a belief out there that only lesbians are feminists and that all feminists violently hate men. Sorry guys, that is also not true.

I know many heterosexual women who are married to men but rarely have complimentary things to say about men.

The feminist movement is made up of women of varied sexual orientation. Fighting for women’s rights has absolutely nothing to do with whom we choose to go to bed with. We are guided by feminist principles, not the type or gender of tool that satisfies our sexual desires. So there you have it, not all feminists are lesbians and not all lesbians are feminists.

A follow-up question from the same reader was; “Are men from the Men’s Forum who advocate for women’s rights also feminists?” This brother just about killed me — you have got to laugh guys. But then again, I assume he did have a genuine need to know. Our brothers from Padare/Enkundhleni/Men’s Forum are brave gender activists but they are not necessarily gay.

One does not have to be gay, transgender or lesbian to be involved in human rights activism. I hope that clears up whatever cloudy thoughts some people harbour about feminists and various human rights groups.

I realise that my writing sometimes feeds some of my readers’ sexual fantasies and that is healthy as it keeps that part of your brain that thirsts for spine numbing sex engaged. I also realise that what the late British journalist, Malcolm Muggeridge, once said of Englishmen holds true for men from other parts of the world. He said of his kinsmen and sex; “It has to be admitted that we English have sex on the brain, which is a very unsatisfactory place to have it.”

From some of the emails I get, I figure out Muggeridge was right. Sometimes sex has to travel from the brain to places where satisfaction can be fully realised. This is the reason I keep on encouraging couples to keep it fresh. Reading about love, and sexual health, learning new tricks or even adding toys to your sexual repertoire does have a way of keeping you interested in each other.

The important thing in any relationship is that both of you have got to want to be good in bed for each other. You do have to be on the same page and you both have to want mind-blowing sex.

It should never be a one-way street — because that leads to the libido graveyard. How long you have been together should never be marked by how really bored you are with each other but just how much music your bodies have been able to compose together.

When you hear a woman say I make music in places I never knew existed, you should know she is getting the best lovemaking of her life. Such things do happen. Two right people just have to find each other and make it happen. Every once-in-a-while a perfect fit walks the face of the earth and that is a beautiful thing.

Men too can have good vibrations waltzing from their head right through to their sweet spot if they find a woman who has read their sexual map right.

We work, we go to church, we eat, we exercise, we raise children and do a whole lot of other things, but sex is a great part of who we are.

If we get it right our circle of happiness must just be complete.

As I always say, love others, but love yourself more. Be kind to others, but be kinder to yourself. Grow the person you are and be a well-rounded person. Making love should always be about both of you — how it begins and ends for both of you does matter.

Feed your mind and get a copy of Deepak Chopra’s What Are You Hungry For? I love the smell and feel of hard copies of books but you can download for free this wonderful book. Deepak is a wise spiritual man and he writes well.

Love with all your might, tomorrow is not promised. May your kiss never sour. May your libido find you and may your bed and back never give up on you.

Grace Mutandwa is a Media Consultant, and published author. She can be reached at:

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