My people,There was a lot of panic among some people with ill-begotten wealth following those rather unpatriotic acts at Beitbridge Border Post when Zimbabweans, for the first time after many years of abuse, decided enough was enough after some officials started confiscating their groceries.
LETTER TO MY PEOPLE BY DOCTOR STOP IT
Many politicians were already considering fleeing the country, but I told them to stop being silly.
The excuse for confiscation of goods at the border was based on some Statutory Instrument which outlawed the importation of some goods including powdered milk, yoghurt, cheese, flavoured milk and ice-cream.
Well, kudos to the people for fighting what they think is repression when it is nothing but effective revolutionary leadership.
But munopenga! You are crazy! How do you expect my dairy enterprise to survive when all of you are bringing milk products to compete with my products?
Things have become so bad that milk products from my dairy are not easy to find in some shops. So really, how can we be seen to be importing products from South Africa when the effect will be to destroy my dairy enterprise?
You would need to be very slow (and I know there are many of you out there) not to notice that some few remaining industries, including those owned by important people, need to be protected at all costs. Meanwhile, reports that some countries are planning retaliatory measures should be ignored.
I know you people are so used to suffering that it will not kill you to suffer for a few extra years.
It’s official: I am a good businessperson!
I am sure just like me, you were very surprised by the fact that this business association whose name I cannot remember awarded me an accolade for excellence in business.
In case you did not follow the story, I had gone to officiate as guest of honour at their annual conference. Then to my surprise, cousin Bimha started reading my citation and bingo!
Outstanding Value Addition Investment Award (OVAIA) for adding value to the dairy and the children’s home or something. Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Ah yes! Yes!
Of course, I can see the haters and gossipers such as Joice and Crocodhakisi suggesting I officiated at the event on condition that I was given a little “something”. Some were even spreading lies, saying the award does not exist.
The more malicious will suggest that after the disappearance of our products from shop shelves and a $20 million hole in our operations we would hardly be candidates for any awards on business excellence.
I hope the media don’t make a meal out of this like they did about my record acquisition of a doctorate.
Can you imagine the trauma if they started spreading rumours implying doctorates and awards can easily be “bought” in this country?
No to dissident behaviour
Just as the Dear Brother Supreme Leader warned those rogue war veterans against dissident behaviour, I would want to warn all of you against behaving like dissidents.
Just because you are starving, have no jobs, cannot access your peanuts in the banks and scores of other problems, that’s no excuse to start having misleading and dangerous thoughts.
Just because my family and I live comfortable lives, that’s no cause for you to want to lead similar lifestyles. If we close the border in Beitbridge, I know you people are very resilient and can always make a plan.
But this idea that people can burn warehouses, resist police eviction like those Nyatsime dwellers, is totally unacceptable. Since 1980, you have behaved yourselves without any misconduct.
I would want to warn you that if you start misbehaving you will be dealt with. A lot of people in leadership have been having sleepless nights with their children asking them to consider fleeing the country.
Some children are now afraid of being evicted from foreign universities, while others fear being stalked when outside the country.
My warning is Stop It! How then will you be ruled from the grave if you start misbehaving now?
Another gem from Ministry of Frustration (MOF)
The technocrats in the ministry dropped another exquisite gem which should frustrate and bore you to death.
Picking and dropping passengers at undesignated points will attract a fine of $200. Meanwhile, the banks can only dispense $50 a day. I love you people! And to those who think there are too many roadblocks, we have a surprise for you.
More roadblocks. Kkkkkkkk
Munhuwese kuna Amai!
Dr Amai (Fake PhD)
l Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com