HomeOpinion & AnalysisHonouring gay Cecil Rhodes

Honouring gay Cecil Rhodes

My people,
I am back! I can’t imagine how you coped in my absence. Most of you went into depression as you could not come to terms with the fact that your dear mother was away.

letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT

I did not miss you. I spent time shopping, gossiping and plotting with Gay 40 members.

We plotted how we were going to embarrass Ngwena by planning the usual welcome rally at the airport.

Mad Sarah and Mandiitawefodya had done their rehearsals on how we were going to embarrass Dhakisi and coached by Letina who visited me in Dubai.

Ngwena and his friends in the military cancelled the rally at the last minute. Just as well as people did not see that the legend is no longer able to walk sprightly and that he now wears stompies.

Embarrassment in Ethiopia

Indiscipline at the African Union (AU) summit in Addis Ababa was clearly rampant among young African leaders. A reminder that power should never be allowed to slip into the hands of inexperienced pups.

There were two key decisions that had to be made at the recent AU summit. The first was to decide on whether to readmit expansionist Morocco into the AU despite its occupation of fellow Africans in the western Sahara.

The Bobster was opposed to readmitting Morocco but those kids who lead other African countries overwhelmingly embarrassed the revolutionary by readmitting the north Africans. The second was to elect the new AU commission chairperson and those inexperienced presidents, most of whom were in their diapers in 1980, chose a candidate that Mudhara did not support. Lack of leadership experience clearly affected them.

After the embarrassment, the icon was very angry and decided to mourn in public and Rueeeeeeeben did a marvelous job in mourning on his behalf by invoking the spirit of Nyerere and Kaunda.

Still on Dead BC, can somebody provide voice training for MaSibanda who reads the news so that her audience can understand what she would be trying to say.

Nobody would dare suggest that for fear of her powerful relative who wants to watch her on television.

Word of advice: Don’t imitate CNN, be natural.

Bev and Muridzo

I have been away on a luxurious holiday for only one month but a lot has happened to you sods.

You have had to deal with bond notes, Stunner’s tantrums, floods, armyworm, potholes which are a proud legacy of The Bobster, typhoid, Bikita by-election, the elimination of the Warriors and now, Bev and Muridzo.

As Africa’s most educated and peaceful people, you actually put up with a lot of nonsense that we dish out, well-done.

What is wrong with Bev marrying or having a child with Muridzo? What is wrong with Bev? Is she not a woman like me or you?

Most women are jealous because Bev is good at what she dishes out and will make her man happy, unlike them. Ask me, I know what it means to have people gossip behind your back.

It’s a bit like how you used to look down on typists. Now it’s dancers.

The men are equally jealous as they all wish they were in Andy’s shoes. Do you forget that scandalous prophet who tried all the tricks in the book to try and trick the sexy and raunchy dancer into getting into his lair?

I won’t say much about the Warriors. What outcome did you expect from people with names like Hardlife, Muroyiwa, Nhamoinesu and Pasuwa? It was not difficult for Senegalese star player, to make our life difficult, Mame.

Viva!

According to historians, Cecil John Rhodes, who at one time gave our country his name, Rhodesia, was a homosexual. He loved young men and had a male secretary. He established many institutions that sought to promote boys and not girls.

(Like how Fat Boy loves male footballers and has no time for female sportswomen, or any women for that matter).

Our first black president, Banana faced charges of having similar sexual tendencies as Rhodes. It was rather sobering to hear that the revolutionary party will celebrate the African iconic revolutionary’s birthday at an institution funded by and named after Rhodes. So they have fled from the Bhalagwe concentration camp into the welcoming arms of Rhodes? The Gay 40 should just go to Gwanda, the provincial capital, for their insensitive feast.

Try Joshua Nkomo college, something that would upset The Bobster. He can’t attend an event hosted at a place named after Josh. Rhodes is better.

Unless of course if the Gay 40 have an extra card up their what’s its name….?

I loved this famous Zimbabwean saying: “In the past we used to drive on the left side of the road. Thanks to The Bobster, we now drive on what’s left of the road.”

Munhuwese kuna Amai!

Umasalu wezwelonke!

Dr Amai Stop It Ph.D (Fake)

Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com

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