divineinsight BY HUMPHREY MUTANDWA
THE most difficult thing for a parent in African culture to do is to marry off a daughter when she is no longer a virgin.
In the past, aunties would put white linen for their niece during the first night after marriage and would go and check for blood stains the next morning.
The bloodstains would be proof that the young woman was still a virgin when she was married. There would, however, be uproar if the linen was untainted with blood as that would be proof that she was not a virgin when she got married. It was embarrassing for a father to marry off his daughter after she had been intimate with another man.
In our generation, many people often ask if it is still possible for one to marry a virgin. I would say yes, it is possible. What we need to do, especially as Christians, is to raise our children in the right environment and teach them about sex and its effects on an individual’s destiny.
But then in a society where sexual temptation dominates — everything from music, movies to advertising, sex is used to sell products — thus the predominance of sexually suggestive themes. The solution is to teach our children to stick to the right thing. The challenge is we have allowed entertainment to make sex seem casual. But then, is it
casual or something that should be valued?
The culture, unfortunately, tends to focus more on the young woman who has just been married rather than the young man who has just married. The world has taught our children about a lot of things and as the church we have not evolved to address the issues being faced in present-day society. When we were growing up, women would dress modestly but we now have a lot of women parading their semi-nakedness when the Bible says women “should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves…” (1 Timothy 2:9).
The youth of yesteryear did not deal with the internet, which now brings pornography to every mobile handset. You may be surprised by what your son or daughter is watching on their mobile phone. I once heard of a 12-year-old girl who was addicted to pornography and yet the parents did not know. It only emerged when she was in her 20s during a deliverance session.
The world is so dominated by sexual lust that one would think it is impossible for a Christian to remain pure. I would want to say if children are raised in the right environment, it is possible and we can teach our children through the word about sex even in our homes.
One of the most asked questions is: Do our youths still marry as virgins? Yes, it is possible, but only if we teach them from an early age about sexuality. Well-known Nigerian televangelist Pastor Chris Oyakhilome once gave a controversial interview in which he said he believed masturbation was not a sin. The remarks touched off a storm in Christian circles. But if you analyse his explanation, you begin to understand that the act of masturbation is a manifestation of a sexual sin already brewing in an individual’s heart.
If a person commits fornication or even adultery, for instance, it is an outward expression of what is already in their heart. That is the root problem that must be dealt with.
If we deal with the root cause of sex before marriage, and not the act itself, we can then help our children. We can help them experience sex for the first time on the marital
God bless you.
Humphrey Mutandwa is an anointed minister of the gospel and teacher of the Word based in South Africa. He has written several books including The Enoch Generation, Truthfulness and Theophany. He blogs at mtandwa.blogspot.com and can be contacted via e-mail or WhatsApp on +27 610286350.