HomeOpinion & AnalysisLetter to my people: Fixing Zim does not need rocket science

Letter to my people: Fixing Zim does not need rocket science

BY DOCTOR STOP IT

My Dear People,

We are only two weeks into the year and it threatens to be quite a politically packed year. Let’s start with the sacking of Mudha. Look, Mudha was never supposed to be a minister in the first place, he is extremely unqualified for the job and should be nowhere near a government position.

The fact that Mudha was a minister is quite revealing and tells you more about the character of the person who appointed him.

Firstly, Mudha’s rise to infamy starts with a militia in the Midlands known as Al Shabab. This group is named after a Somali terrorist outft.

How a person who is associated with such an outfit becomes a minister beggars belief?

It’s even more bewildering that he was given the state security portfolio. If media reports are to be believed, at a Zanu PF meeting, the former minister came with machete wielding thugs, whose presence there was to intimidate voting delegates.

In firing Mudha, Launchmore said his behaviour was unbecoming of that of a minister. In all fairness, Mudha’s character and being are unbecoming of a minister and should never have been there in the first place. Remember when the US issued sanctions against Mudha, it’s because they had seen his behaviour.

Instead of introspecting, Launchmore and his government launched anti-sanctions tirades and protected Mudha. I realised that the letter firing Mudha was signed by Joji. Finally, he was given something to do.

The guy is literally idle and has nothing to do, this is why he spends most of his day being a nuisance on Twitter. Taxpayers’ money is being wasted on Joji, his in-tray and out-tray have absolutely nothing. So I can imagine his excitement when he had to sign a letter on behalf of Misheck Sibanda. Joji is the type who wants to be seen to be powerful, the type who throw their weights around, but Ndavaningi — as unintelligent as he is — found a way to conscript Joji to the “commissioners’ pool”. The commissioners’ pool is where high-ranking officers in the police force are deployed to. They literally have nothing to do, but they keep their lofty positions hoping that one day they will be rehabilitated and given something to do. If you are old enough, you will remember Baba always used to appoint “ministers without portfolio”, kkk. That’s Joji for you, absolutely nothing to do. I see Launchmore has relaunched his clean up campaigns.

I guess there isn’t much to launch and commission in January, so he decided to go back to the tried and tested method, which is the clean-up campaign. I have a little advice for him — there are many things that need to be cleaned up and they don’t need brooms, a white overcoat, boots and a million guards to conduct.

The obvious one is corruption. If Launchmore were to be as diligent in dealing with corruption as he is with commissioning and launching unimportant stuff, I promise you that Zimbabwe would change overnight.

Zimbabwe will continue performing poorly on all global indices on corruption as long as Launchmore is paying lip service to this. The Zimbabwe Anti-corruption Commission is moribund and the special prosecutor in Launchmore’s office has no real use except going after real and perceived political opponents. As long as this stays the same, Launchmore will continue building roads and refurbishing airports, but he will never be popular. Global Finance, which publishes the “Central Banker Report Cards” has rated Panonetsa as the worst central bank governor in Africa. In the name of patriotism I wanted to spring to Panonetsa’s defence, then I realised maybe these chaps have a point. In his crusade to stabilise the local currency, Panonetsa is now targeting pharmacies and schools. If anyone believes that schools and pharmacies are responsible for the collapse of the Zimbabwean dollar, then that person can literally believe anything, kkk.

I remember as well that Panonetsa once said that the RTGS was a cryptocurrency.  I know it was Baba who first appointed him, but Baba must be turning in his grave seeing what became of the man who he hired to head the country’s monetary policy. The combination of Panonetsa and Mthuli is quite devastating for the economy. For the economy, this is what we call a “perfect storm”, a bad situation caused by a combination of unfavourable circumstances. Fixing the economy is no doubt difficult, but it’s not rocket science, kkk, I sound like Jonso.

Deal with corruption, respect the rule of law and uphold human rights. Fixing the economy is not as easy as wearing a scarf and shouting “Zimbabwe is open for business”, it’s about putting in the real work. Dougie never ceases to amaze. He is threatening to contest the next elections as MDC Alliance. For starters, the alliance was a pre-election pact, whose life was not meant to go beyond the 2018 elections if it lost the polls. After the polls, the parties were meant to review the pact. We know Dougie and his lot did not review the agreement and thus, I am surprised that today he claims to be the leader of the alliance. How he claims to be the leader of the alliance is quite strange in this case. Also, he fired MDC Alliance legislators on the pretext that they had joined another party. This is confusing, even writing it is causing my head to spin.

If he is allowed to contest as the MDC Alliance, we will have a strange situation where parliament has legislators from different parties but each identifying as MDC Alliance. Also, there will be two groups in parliament, one from MDC-T and the other from Dougie’s MDC Alliance — that’s if he wins a seat of course — belonging to the same party but with different names. This is doing my head in, I think I need retail therapy after writing this.

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