HomeOpinion & AnalysisLetter to my people: The Mthuli Ncube horror show

Letter to my people: The Mthuli Ncube horror show

BY DOCTOR STOP IT

My Dear People,

There’s a new superhero in town. The Generari is reported to have a new woman by his side.

This woman is really brave based on what has come before.

We all saw how the Generari treated Jocelyn and Marry and we can only wish the new lady well.

Jocelyn thought she was untouchable. She was abrasive and did everything to show that she was in charge.

But she was thrown out kicking and screaming. Nobody remembers her now.

Marry is a pale shadow of her former self. Ill and unwanted, I guess she’s asking herself what more she could have done to keep herself as the “second lady”.

Both women probably feel they were hard done and deserved better.

That’s just how the Generari rolls. But after his record with his last two partners, the new lady surely is brave.

As the young ones say, let’s hope it doesn’t end in tears.

‘Unlucky’ hero

The late Chanakira surely must have the worst luck in the world, even in death.

Firstly, Launchmore didn’t declare him a national hero. There was probably a lot of negotiation for his body to be finally taken to the heroes’ acre.

Then, did you see the portrait they used at his burial? They used a picture of him wearing a mask.

I know Covid-19 is serious, kkk, but surely there was no need to use a portrait of him wearing a mask.

Certainly, Chanakira has more pictures and they could have used one of them.

Then pictures emerged of his homestead. Surely, a decorated soldier like him could and should have found a better place to stay.

Then the guys at the Pravda took it a step further by congratulating him for dying.

Surely, Chanakira deserved better in life and in death.

May his soul rest in peace. It’s been a tumultuous few days for him.

Tourists 

Who has ever seen a picture of Chris and Monica standing near the Mbuya Nehanda statue or the Zimbabwe bird?

I haven’t.

So it was a little surprising to see them standing near a sculpture of a bull in the United States.

That bull is the very symbol of western capitalism and so to see Chris and Monica grinning next to it is quite strange.

This is because Chris postures as the symbol of anti-western resistance.

He has very little good to say about America and other western countries and instead chooses to promote everything Chinese.

As the Zanu PF spokesman, he goes out of his way to school us about the liberation struggle and why the west is bad.

So, to see him standing next to that sculpture of a bull feels a little hypocritical.

I’m sure he is going to have an explanation for it in his usual bombastic verbosity.

I think Chris thinks his verbosity makes him sound intelligent, but in reality it doesn’t.

A communicator uses simple language so that his audience understands, but not with Chris.

As Jonso once said of Joji, he thinks words are synonymous with ideas.

Disappearing budget surplus

Mthuli has been boasting for years now about a supposed budget surplus.

Even Launchmore praised him for the budget surplus, saying it was the first time something like that had happened.

It turns out, there was no budget surplus at all and the deficit was quite huge.

Mthuli has presented a bill before parliament seeking condonation for spending more money than what was budgeted for.

Mthuli has dragged us into a financial mess while he is smiling and saying there’s no crisis.

If Zimbabwe was another country, Mthuli would have resigned for misleading the country on the budget surplus, but instead, he will be allowed to continue while pretending everything is okay.

I won’t go into details, but our economy performed very badly in 2019 and 2020, the very years that Mthuli said we had a surplus.

While Mthuli maintains that there is no crisis, it is increasingly becoming clear that Zimbabweans are suffering with prices of basic commodities going up on a daily basis.

Launchmore can put on a straight face, but he knows that inflation almost cost Baba his job in 2008.

Fixing roads isn’t enough, Launchmore should ask his friend Edgar Lungu from Zambia, who was serious on infrastructure but still lost the election.

The latest fuel price hike will only hurt Zimbabweans more as the prices of basics are set to go up as well.

This means there will be less satisfaction with Launchmore and his ministers.

At this rate, only a miracle can save Launchmore from certain electoral defeat.

Munopengaaaa!

Dr Amai Stop it! PhD (Fake)

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